[ she does already notice that Ren's nightly dreamscape is a relatively quiet place, all things considered; there are his thoughts and memories she visits, as well as Leader Snoke's lurking at the peripheries — cold, sharp and piercing, their content rendered purposefully vague and obfuscated from her even as she can tell their origin — but she doesn't ever see or feel the presence of either of his parents, or uncle, or others that she would expect. no close friends, no trusted camaraderies...no lovers.
it's about as lonely a place as her own dreams are. and as much as a part of herself is loathe to admit it, aloud or in her own thoughts, there is something strangely profound in the realization of it; I am here, where no one else has been. ]
I would know it, yes. [ the barb stings a little more smartly than it should; she's had a hard, lonely life, she's never claimed otherwise, and she's accepted it. Ren throwing it in her face like this shouldn't affect her, but it does, and especially because her solitude wasn't thrust upon her by her choice. ] But even so, I still embraced companionship when it was dropped unexpectedly into my lap.
[ ...Finn. as far as embracing it, she'd have to admit that it wasn't instantaneous — she'd railed at him for having the audacity to hold her hand — but despite all of her misgivings about trusting someone, something instilled in her from hardened years on Jakku, Finn had wormed his way in. ]
What is that supposed to mean, exactly, 'soon enough'? If there's more in your head, I don't want it. It's already depressing enough.
[It's a blessing in disguise he doesn't know yet how much Rey has already stripped him of his façades and looked beneath, if he realized it he might just lash out at her and never stop running. For now he can hold on to his hope that she sees nothing but the monster in the mask. And isn't it quite ironic that he wishes to be seen only as such now, after he tried so hard to convince her there is more to him.]
Yes, of course, your companionship of traitors and rebel scum, not to forget the Jedi Master who ran away from his responsibilities. Quite the illustrious round of friends you've gathered there. [So what if there is some envy mingled in with his derision - he could have that, too, he tells himself, but he chooses not to. He knows better. His Master has been very clear on affection being nothing but weakness.] Trying to protect them will be your downfall. Powerful people like us can't afford to let ourselves be tethered by affection or compassion. The Jedi of old were right to forbid attachment, but it is not the path to the Dark Side, it is the path to weakness.
[Half a galaxy away from her, he frowns at the screen, vaguely embarrassed by his own rant, and the lengths he went to to preach a point which Rey had never truly contested.]
Of course there's going to be more. Can't you see? It's getting worse. This must be stopped soon.
Traitors and rebel scum — your family included in that description, of course.
[ except for your father, she thinks to herself but doesn't say, who's never coming back. Han Solo's death haunts her, even now after the fact. she suspects it will for some time.
Ren says people like us, acknowledging her power as though she were his equal and not some untrained desert scrap of a girl who'd bested him on Starkiller with sheer luck. it surprises her, as does his long-winded rant about how affection will ultimately make her weak. ]
It must have been your residual compassion, then, that made you weak in the forest during our fight.
[ ...along with his bowcaster wound and in the face of her sudden burst of rage-filled adrenaline, but still she has to wonder if he'd been emotionally compromised in addition to his injury. ]
[The answer is he had been compromised a lot, which is only further proven when the mere mention of his family has him wincing. As they do so often, his thoughts return to that bridge on Starkiller Base, that moment when he could have activated the lightsaber - or let go.
Every night when he lays in bed in the darkness and quiet, he wonders what if he had let go.]
Compassion is a sickness. My Master has taught me that it must be killed. I eradicated the last of it within me when I killed Han Solo. [But the scavenger still lives, and keeps feeding this weakness. It's enough to send a better man than him into a rage.]
My family will die, as will you. There will be no mercy next time. I will show you how much compassion I have left.
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these two just love coming back to punch the other in the feels
it's about as lonely a place as her own dreams are. and as much as a part of herself is loathe to admit it, aloud or in her own thoughts, there is something strangely profound in the realization of it; I am here, where no one else has been. ]
I would know it, yes. [ the barb stings a little more smartly than it should; she's had a hard, lonely life, she's never claimed otherwise, and she's accepted it. Ren throwing it in her face like this shouldn't affect her, but it does, and especially because her solitude wasn't thrust upon her by her choice. ] But even so, I still embraced companionship when it was dropped unexpectedly into my lap.
[ ...Finn. as far as embracing it, she'd have to admit that it wasn't instantaneous — she'd railed at him for having the audacity to hold her hand — but despite all of her misgivings about trusting someone, something instilled in her from hardened years on Jakku, Finn had wormed his way in. ]
What is that supposed to mean, exactly, 'soon enough'? If there's more in your head, I don't want it. It's already depressing enough.
no subject
Yes, of course, your companionship of traitors and rebel scum, not to forget the Jedi Master who ran away from his responsibilities. Quite the illustrious round of friends you've gathered there. [So what if there is some envy mingled in with his derision - he could have that, too, he tells himself, but he chooses not to. He knows better. His Master has been very clear on affection being nothing but weakness.] Trying to protect them will be your downfall. Powerful people like us can't afford to let ourselves be tethered by affection or compassion. The Jedi of old were right to forbid attachment, but it is not the path to the Dark Side, it is the path to weakness.
[Half a galaxy away from her, he frowns at the screen, vaguely embarrassed by his own rant, and the lengths he went to to preach a point which Rey had never truly contested.]
Of course there's going to be more. Can't you see? It's getting worse. This must be stopped soon.
no subject
[ except for your father, she thinks to herself but doesn't say, who's never coming back. Han Solo's death haunts her, even now after the fact. she suspects it will for some time.
Ren says people like us, acknowledging her power as though she were his equal and not some untrained desert scrap of a girl who'd bested him on Starkiller with sheer luck. it surprises her, as does his long-winded rant about how affection will ultimately make her weak. ]
It must have been your residual compassion, then, that made you weak in the forest during our fight.
[ ...along with his bowcaster wound and in the face of her sudden burst of rage-filled adrenaline, but still she has to wonder if he'd been emotionally compromised in addition to his injury. ]
no subject
Every night when he lays in bed in the darkness and quiet, he wonders what if he had let go.]
Compassion is a sickness. My Master has taught me that it must be killed. I eradicated the last of it within me when I killed Han Solo. [But the scavenger still lives, and keeps feeding this weakness. It's enough to send a better man than him into a rage.]
My family will die, as will you. There will be no mercy next time. I will show you how much compassion I have left.